Being alive is better than nothing.

There are traumas in my life I don’t like to talk about. Events whispered about in therapy, tucked away in journals long discarded, bound up in memories I wish not to share.

I talk about the depression, the anxiety, the PTSD, the obsessive thoughts…


On Depression during a pandemic

How are you? My therapist asked me through my computer screen; my dog snoozing under the desk at my feet.

How are any of us? I thought, willing myself to speak the truth out loud.


And I’m ok with that

Let me explain.

When I left my job at the end of last year, it was going to be a good thing. 2019 saw a few things happen: A 48-hour suicide hold led to a partial hospitalization program. A partial hospitalization program led to processing my trauma in therapy. Processing…


‘I feel stupid when I pray’

I’m not supposed to isolate, so I play the “swipe game.” Swiping on apps so at least I see a human face. Maybe they’ll want to chat.

They don’t. They just want hookups.

I don’t want to be a burden to my friends.

The funny thing about depression is that…


Living is as simple as breathing

Breathe; my tattoo will simply read. Typewriter font reminding me of something I forget to do anytime the trauma of my past shrouds me in darkness, or, better yet, when the fear of the future sets in like a tsunami. Sometimes thinking about the future when you’re a walking billboard…


Forgiving myself for a suicide attempt ten years ago

I feel like I lost a part of myself the night I attempted suicide, I told my therapist today during our session. I feel like I lost my innocence, and I can’t get it back.

Ten years ago, February 12, 2010, was a day like any other. Until it wasn’t…


On growing up suicidal in the church

I guess all I’m saying is that the church can do a lot of damage to children who are suicidal, I texted one of my pastors almost a year ago. I had just been cleared to return to work after spending two weeks in a partial-hospitalization program.


A semi-reflection on my 48-hour suicide hold

“Time is an illusion.” — Albert Einstein

Sometimes I wonder if they didn’t let me out of the psych ward too soon. I told my therapist at our first appointment after from paternity leave almost a year ago, which is not the reason I checked myself into the psych ward…


On the power of redemption

I wrote a piece earlier this week about the intersection of sexual assault and Christianity. This is a follow up of sorts.

It’s easy for me to doubt God. It’s easier than having faith some days. …


A millennial’s perspective on church and authenticity

There’s something that doesn’t sit right about a church when the message sounds more like an advertisement for the church than about being drawn closer to God, when worship is the best part of the morning, and the message snaps you out of the presence of God.

You’ve heard it…

Kaleigh Lynne Distaffen

Dreamer. Writer. Survivor. Becomer. Follow me over at Prozac and Faith — kldistaffen.com

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